
For those who understand Bahasa Indonesia, read
this post first, then
this similar post. At work, it has been a positive start to my 2007, but off work, it has been quite the opposite. I have struggled a lot for the past few days on why, who's fault, what should and could have been. I prayed and prayed, consulted friends, read blogs, listened to sermons, etc, and finally I think I have my answer. In short, I have not been putting God as my first and outmost priority. I have put myself, my will, my wish, what I wanted before God. I have been selfish, so selfish and so blind that I failed to see the truth. In theory, I always said that God is number one, the rest are after that, but in practice, I have finally realized that it has not been that way. Argue as much as I like, reason as much as I want, when all has dawned, the feeling of losing has sinked in, I honestly realized that I have put myself as more important than God himself. I'm sorry God, help me to change.
When I chose another meeting instead of attending prayer meeting, God has "slapped" me once again. I believe God is teaching me to obey Him to put Him first, for He said "
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)" When God gave me the feeling of losing, pain, they all are for my own good. It hurts, but I have to learn to accept defeat this time, that I have to step back, re-prioritize my life again, before I am allowed to move forward in this aspect. For now, it seems like it's over. Not what I wanted, but maybe what I need at the moment, because
we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I was deep down very low in morale, self-belief, and possibly faith, when everything in life seems like going against me, these three songs are what brought me back from the "dead", and I firmly believe that God "sent" these songs to me that day to get His message across.

Started with encouragement song by Point of Grace, titled
Jesus will still be there, the lyric started with: "
Things change, plans fail, you look for love on a grander scale. Storms rise, Hopes fade, and you place your bets on another day. When the going gets tough, when the ride's too rough, when you're just not sure enough, Jesus will still be there."
Full lyric here.
Followed by another encouragement song
Trust His Heart from Cynthia Clawson says: "
All things works for our good, though sometimes we can't see how they could. Struggle that breaks our heart in two, sometimes blind us to the truth. Our Father knows what's best for us. His ways are not our own, so when your pathway grows dim and you just can't see Him, remember you're never alone. God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind, ..."
Finally, God wants me to finally accept defeat and admit that God knows better than me through
You know better than I by David Campbell. "
I thought I did what's right. I thought I had the answer. I thought I chose the surest road, but that road brought me here. So I put up a fight, and told you how to help me. Now just when I have given up, the truth is coming clear, You know better than I. You know the way. I've let go the need to know why, for You know better than I. If this is has been a test, I cannot see the reason, but maybe knowing I don't know is part of getting through. I tried to do what's best, and faith has made it easy, to see the best thing I can do is to put my trust in You."
How amazing how three songs could bring me back from my sorrow, self-pity condition back to the real me. I thank God for it, now I know that all my effort to hush and push are in vain, now I need to learn to surrender my life in His control, because He knows what's best, keeping faith to trust and believe that whatever happens now and in the future, I will try not to worry anymore, because all things works for our good. Now? Let it go. All I wanted will be back in time, but put God first, and the rest, in His grace, will follow when the time is right. Thanks and Glory be to God!!!

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