From Thursday or Friday, I have felt that my body are getting tired. Friday evening, I felt my stomach bloated again (don't know what thing I ate again went wrong *haiyah*), everytime feel like vomitting. I had enough sleep over the weekend, probably too much, but still my body refused to cooperate enough. I hardly finished my lunch and dinner on Saturday, and I ordered $2 or $2.50 meal when I usually ordered the bigger portion of them. I still went for fellowship, church, etc. but felt this body is really really tired. After church today, I tried to play tennis again after skipping it for a couple of weeks now, but midway through the game, I felt super super sleepy that I saw two visions of the ball. My game suddenly deteoriates, my reaction was so slow, and the ball I hit simply went astray. I think I yawned like five times within five minutes.

The question is why? I think I am very tired mentally as much as physically. After lots of late nights over the past few weeks in office, plus weekend sometimes, I'm sure I'll appreciate a break after all these, come end of April. However, it was the mental tiredness that probably help to worsen my condition. Thinking and worrying about some things for quite sometime now, and not knowing when all these will end, leads to mental tiredness.

I am glad with all the supports I have from friends, colleagues, my boss, though they have totally no clue on what happened to me now, but I'm glad for those who, despite not knowing what happened, provides me with words of comfort. Thank you all. Being a Christian for quite a number of years now also gives me that extra oomph when it comes to situation like this. I believe everything will turn out good when God's time is here. Having just finished the whole Book of Job last month also has helped me to understand more about suffering that God allows temporarily. Nothing will and can escape from His plan for this world. And, having a Father in Heaven who controls the past, present, and future made my life so much lighter, knowing, Someone up there knows what's best for me, and I will get it when His time is here. What I have to do in these situation is to pray and believe in Him, live my life to please Him, and do not worry about things that He will provide. I should even give thanks to God for the chance to be able to struggle. Like a butterfly who never struggle will never become a butterfly that can fly properly.

Now that all these mental tiredness have something to do with the fear of losing, losing something, losing someone, losing those that I've had. It is a battle that I may seem losing now, but I'm sure I will win at the end of the day. Why am I losing? It is because of someone else's neglect and indifference, and quoting my friend's nick: "Indifference and neglect [of something important] often do much more damage than outright dislike". The damage has been done, but it's still fixable, workable. At least, I am working on it, on fixing things that others have broken. This is a battle that I cannot afford to lose, because the impact are great. I must not be tied down by the bitter past, I have to let go of my past, work on the present, so I can have a future. Those who stuck in the past, will never have a future. It's normal, as a human, to fear of losing, to struggle, but what matters is what we do before we see the light at the end of the tunnel. What matters is that we try and do our best we can and never ever give up. Like one friend said, "Winners never quit, Quitters never win". And, despite so many times of temptation of quitting, I am not giving up, because what's worth so much, really worth fighting for, despite all the circumstances that opposes me. You read it clear, I will NEVER ever give up, no matter how hard it is, no matter how painful it is. After all, this is not the first time I encountered this. What's worthy will always be worthy.

I will always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. If, at the end of the tunnel, I should lose those that I have been figthing for, I believe that I am not worthy enough to keep it, and I should just proceed with my life. However, if at the end of the tunnel, it is still there for me, I believe that I must appreciate it so much, even more now after all these struggle God has allowed. Sad yes, but shouldn't worry too much, God knows what's best for everyone in this world. What will be mine will be mine eventually, what will never be mine will never be mine, no matter how hard I try. To God be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

By the way, you know what's good about blogging? Writing (typing rather) somehow helps to ease my trouble, as I think I feel better after trashing all my thoughts and feelings (small part of it) into this post.

Although my condition is not as bad as David's condition when he wrote Psalm 31, far from it in fact, but I could relate myself to what he wrote in Psalm 31:9-10 that says "Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.". Thankfully at the end of the chapter, Psalm 31:24, David wrote: "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD", and that is precisely what I am hoping in right now, only and only in the LORD. Thank You.

I forced myself to work this morning, hardly effective I would say, but I still went to meeting, completed a couple of tasks along the way. But, it was hardly effective. My body is sick, a bit feverish I guess since morning. My mind is somewhere else, distracted by issues I have by my side. I forced myself to not thinking about it, but only after a short while, everything came back to me again. I could hardly concentrate. It was hardly a fruitful day.

I really don't know what to say already, I've talked so much, but it seemed that they have all fell on deaf ears, no response, no reply, no acknowledgement that my messages were received. I am speechless. I am distraught. How can someone change so sudden towards me? Is it true? or is it just me who think far too negatively? Help me oh LORD, tell me when all these sufferings and agony will end? When will we see the glory of Your plan? Oh God, teach us to be patient, to wait for Your time.

Currently feeling: hopeful

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise
In this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night
His light will shine
God is good
God is good all the time

If you're walking through the valley
There are shadows all around
Do no fear He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
He has promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you
And His Word is true

We were sinners so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
He filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
That His love is everlasting
And His mercies they will never end

Though I may not understand
All the plans You have for me
My life is in Your hands
And through the eyes of faith
I can clearly see


I am glad, after all these, I can still praise God, and never blame Him for anything. Yes, I did ask Him why, but then, I'm glad, like Job, I didn't sin by blaming God. Thanks God.

A couple of times the verse that I read in the morning during my Quiet Time matches what I need at the very moment, and today is one of them. I was reading Psalm 34 this morning, and two verses caught my attention, and is really what I need:
Psalm 34:4: "I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Thank you God, I know you are still here for us. You know our fear, you know we are brokenhearted. Although our heart are broken, feel like being squeezed all the time, painful, sad, but knowing God is still here for us should soothe our feeling better.

Tonight was the first time I went to The Picture House since its re-opening. Nothing is there except Cathay cinemas, still has very much a new building smell.... how to describe... hmm... you know... paint smell ... and so on ... a lot of screens in the cinemas, even their billboards are not static, it's a screen which I thought was just a normal billboards The cinemas are located in level 5 and 6. Nothing yet from level 1 to 4, still pretty much empty.

Had dinner in Pizza Hut with my colleagues in Plaza Singapura before that. I was on my way back home when they 'jio' me for dinner, so I just tagged along. I do need refreshing you know after all these tiring days and nights. Had good laugh and it was really a great night. Thanks guys and gals, you made my night.

Today is Friday, the last day of a week that has been full of events and steep learning experience for a few people involved. This week made me understand who I am better, a person who is far far far from any good. Have a long long long way to go in this life, still can improve lots lots lots of things in life. Also, realized that all my friends are still there when I need them. Thanks all. You all have been great and supporting this week, through your comments here, SMS, MSN, etc. My dearest one is still around, encouraged me when I need it most. Thanks dear And above all, the unchanging God is still there for me, anytime anywhere. Glad to have a God like You LORD. Thank You Thank You. Woahh.... what a week.

I went to Simlim tonight after work to buy a new set of earphones. My previous Sony MDR-EX51 earphones, I gave to Upik a few weeks back. I was using my cheapo $15 Sony earphones for the past few weeks since I gave mine to her, but after having used the EX51 for almost a year now, going back to cheap earphones really made a lot of difference. My cheap earphones has no sound isolation, the sound quality is so-so to say the best.

So, in the end, I went to Simlim, Sony shop, to buy a new set of earphones. After doing a bit of survey in the Net and Simlim, I decided to get this $64 Sony MDR-EX71 earphones. It's basically the upgraded model from my previous EX51 that Upik is using now (It costs $48 now, down from $60 when I bought it last year). My previous EX51 was in black, so this time round, I chose the white one. I've immediately open it in the shop and use it for my music-listening on my way back home. It is very light, fits snugly to my earhole, has great sound, very clear music, with pounding bass to make me enjoy my music again  Highly recommended!!!

I also saw other earphones when I was doing my survey in Simlim. I saw the Sennheiser CX300, but it costs $129, too expensive. Then, I saw Shure E3c which people said has a very great sound quality, but the price was an eye-popping $319 !!! That's on-sale price from the original $380. hahaha.... $319 for a set of earphones, crazy

What I was reading this morning during my quiet time, that we can hope very much in God despite of all of our troubles.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. (Psalm 42:1)

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:11)

Today, after church's youth fellowship, I joined my church mates for Kevin @ Piano concert in Esplanade Piano Recital Studio. He's a 11-year-old Indonesian boy playing a total of 15 pieces of classical, jazz, and national musics for a whole two hours with only fifteen minutes intermission break in between.

The piano recital studio was packed with audience who were mesmerized by this boy's excellent performance. To be able to play so many pieces of classical and jazz musics without reading a single score is truly amazing to say the least. Hope he can continue to nurture his talent in the future to become a truly greater pianist than he already is now. As for me, not that I can truly appreciate and enjoy piano recital, but then, I can still quite enjoy the performance, truly wow-ed by his talent, although I could have enjoyed it more if only ....

I'm more and more convinced that God is involved in all these trials that are happening to me, all that He has allowed to happen in my life. There are a couple of things happening today. I badly wanted something, I've already typed the SMS to ask for it. Well, I didn't send it coz I think that SMS is too emotional already, and something too emotional is never good. So, I saved it in my Draft and never send it. I told myself, just leave everything to God, nothing I can do anyway, not that by sending the SMS, I'll ever get it anyway. However, surprisingly, in the afternoon, God has given me exactly what I wanted so badly since morning. Thank God. Lesson learned: When I pushed and tried to get something, I don't get it because I don't involve God in it, but when I leave everything to God, by God's grace, I got it. Then, I knew God is involved. God taught me that I can only get something I wanted so badly when I put God above all else, and won't get it if it is the other way round. That's exactly what happen when we put something or someone as more important than God in our heart, no matter what we won't get it.

Lesson two learned was during the church's sermon itself. Our pastor taught us to be patient, if God's time is not here yet, don't rush, because His time is not our time. I think I've tried to rush everything lately, and not getting any result of out it, because God's time is not here yet. God's time is perfect, and when it's time for me to get it, I'll get it. I just have to follow His path that He had showed me and wait for His time.

Lesson three from sermons: During trials, trust God, because God can never be wrong. God's plan is so far beyond our understanding. With this, I really will trust God, because He can never be wrong. Whatever happening to me is whatever that He allows, and that cannot be wrong. His works is perfect, including all the trials and sadness and sickness and stress that I experience now, it's all perfect, and it's all part of His much bigger plan.

Lesson four from sermons again, learn from Job. He lost so many things, including ten childrens, but after persevering for so long without sinning by blaming God, he got twice as much as he had. And you know what? His story is recorded in the Bible for billions of people over thousands of years to see. God will never allow burdens that we cannot bear. When we got a burden that is so hard to bear, instead of asking the question Why, why is it me? we should be thanking God that He allow us to show how strong we are. God will only allow very hard trials to those who are strong enough to bear it, and the harder the trials are, that means the stronger someone is. Honestly, this time round, everything was so hard for me to bear, but now looking at the different perspective, I am thanking God that He allows me to show who I really am, to show how strong and mature I am to face all trials, and I can only get stronger and more mature after all these. Thank God Thank God endless Thank God for the trials then.

Lesson five: We as the childrens of God must show people to the truth when we think they are lost. We need not get the result now, we need not push for it, we have to be patient. What we can do is simply to tell them what is right, enlighten those who are lost, pray for them, and leave everything to God, trusting that God will make good from all these. If, after all these, those whom we have given advice won't listen, it'll be between them and God where they have to be responsible for their decisions. Nothing we, as friends or as brothers and sisters in Christ, can do. I realize that we all, myself included, many times have tried to solve problems ourselves, or we turn to wrong persons for solutions, we pushed and tried hard for it, based on our own limited understanding, and not getting any result. I'll change my point of view now, I'll just do as much as I can, need not force it, and let God make it perfect. We can only do as much, let God finish the rest, again trusting God, because He can never be wrong, He is perfect, and His time is perfect. All in all, at the end of all these, let His name be glorified, and no one else. Amen.

Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the Journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
I want you to know

You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And He'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone

The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember where ever you may go

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

=============================================

Thank you God, now I have found my strength renewed in You. I am back everybody !!!! I am back to the real me again, the optimistic, positive, crazy, cheerful, and bubbly guy I used to be, I have to be strong, I have to be brave, because Jesus is besides me, and I will never walk alone. In fact, I never did.

So, for you, for those who need a friend, who need someone, look upon Jesus, because He is the only One that you need, the only One from whom you can draw your strength and comfort. It is amazing how suddenly I realize that I can be strong and brave, when I stopped trying to rely on my strength, and let God decide what to do. It's really amazing, you should try it too

I'm not sure what the future holds but I do know that I'm going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said "Nic, it is what it is, it's not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is". – Nicole Kidman

When I said that I would follow
It was with an honest heart
But I didn’t fully understand the cost
’cause there are saints throughout the ages
And there are those today
Who show us what it really means to carry the cross
That only fuels my devotion
No matter what comes I will say

(chorus)
Yes, I believe
I believe with all that is in me
Yes, I believe
Though the world rises up against me
I will be faithful
To the choice I have made
I am determined
I will not be ashamed
To live so the whole world can see
That yes, I believe

There will never be a reason
To lose this confidence
For I have found where my assurance lies
It is not in my own power
But in who my savior is
And the truth of this conviction
Makes me shout to the sky

(repeat chorus)

Yes, I believe He is risen
Yes, I believe we are forgiven
Yes, I believe and one day we’ll see Him
And together we’ll say

(repeat chorus)

==============================================

Tell you, it is hard to become a Christian (as in religion, not my last name ), but I believe, I will see the glory of it in due time, and before that, I have to be patient. Approaching Good Friday soon, the day when Jesus died thousands of years ago for our sins.

I think this is a brilliant idea, pre-emptive blame shifting, if your mom, or your dad, or your boyfriend, or your girlfriend doesn't give you what you want before your exam, you can blame them for you not scoring an 'A', hahaha.... j/k lah

It came from a friend who only send me email once every few months, and when she sent me this article yesterday, I found that the timing is impecabble, the timing could not have been better, this is exactly what i need now. Thanks.
I was a carrot last week, but more and more I find that I am slowly transforming into an egg, not so much a coffee bean yet, but I am trying to be one, hopefully in a not-so-distant future

==================================================
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

My high-school friend came over to Singapore for one week break. As today is "weekend" already, we gathered to meet him in City Hall, had dinner in some Thai restaurant in Funan Mall, then walked to Clarke Quay for drinks.

The last part of the night was when two of them tried the G-Max Ultimate Bungy in Clarke Quay, it looked scary, but it seemed they had lots of fun being shot to hundreds of meters to the air in a split second. Picture was taken using Sony Ericsson K750i.

This is a truly cool brain teaser that will make yourself so engrossed in it for some period of time, depending how fast you can solve it

http://thewicked.sgblogging.com/wicked/

I am at Level 27 now. Let me know how far you are now, or where you are stucked at

Update: I am super stuck at Level 34 now. So so stuck. Clueless.

Pando lets you send your home videos, giant presentations and entire folders of original quality photos to anyone with an email address, up to 1 GB per package. Check them out at http://www.pando.com/.

This could help when you need to send files/photos/attachments that are beyond 10MB limit per email.

If you need simple ways of doing the same thing, without the need to install additional software, check out Dropload (100 MB limit) or YouSendIt (50 MB limit). The drawback? These latter two are browser-based solution, so you can't do a pause/resume when you upload/download, which is solved by Pando. Do you have any website that you would recommend for sending huge files across to another person?

Taking a clue from ~dee's blog, here are few items/qualities that I think should be what we are looking for in our special one Some are need to have, some are good to have. You decide which is which And yes, this checklist applies vice versa, meaning we should strive for these qualities also for our special one.

- He/she must bring us nearer to God, not further.
- He/she must put God first, and help us put God first, and don't mind to be put second.
- He/she must be supportive towards our hobbies/interest.
- He/she must be willing to be there when we need him/her.
- He/she must be nice, tender, loving, and caring (TLC for short).
- We can talk about almost anything with him/her.
- He/she doesn't get in the way of our job, friendship, family, etc.
- Just a thought of him/her makes ourself feel so happy.
- We can be our true self when we are with him/her.
- We are proud to mention his/her name to others.
- We must be able to bear him/her at his/her worst (time, mood, anger, look, etc. you name it)
- Both person must enjoy being in each other's company, and doesn't feel embarrassed when "spotted" together by friends.
- We do think that he/she is Mr/Miss Right
- He/she completes us and what we lack, in many ways.
- We must sincerely think that we can marry him/her in the future.
- And lastly, of course, the emotional pull and the chemistry must be there to get started, right? but the rest are needed to keep it moving

I'm sure you all (especially those married) has your own checklist, so, feel free to brainstorm, comment, and share what you have to add on I'm eager to know

Only in games this could happen hehehe....

Don't know what happen today, but I feel so tired, sleepy, and bored (sianzzzz....) today, probably due to not enough sleep last night. I slept at 12.30 AM but I woke up sometime around 3 AM, and couldn't sleep for at least half-an-hour, before waking up again at 7 AM. This is one where a simple 2.5+4 doesn't equal to 6.5. Seven hours contiguous sleep is so much better than sleeping time that is broken into two chunks like that. *haiyah* According to INK, that's considered preparing for fatherhood

Currently feeling: sleepy

Psalm 69: 13,16,17
But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

Psalm 70: 1,4,5
Hasten, O God, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me. But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "Let God be exalted!" Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay.

Currently feeling: stressed

Last night sleeping pattern was something like: 12.30 AM - sleep - 4.12 AM - wake up - 5.30 AM - sleep - 7.30 AM wake up. Very not healthy, very restless.

Currently feeling: hungry

From tonight's American Idol, guest coach, Rod Stewart, who sang the classic "The Way You Look Tonight" from the first disc in his popular "Great American Songbook" series.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

You're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.
Just the way you look tonight.
Darling
Just the way you look tonight.

Friday was certainly an eventful day, as I left client's site at 2.30 pm to go back to Novena Square for meeting. The meeting was from 3-5 pm, followed by Amazing-Race-like Great-Avanade-Hunt. We were divided into multiple teams, and each team solved clues after clues to get to the final prize. For some stage, we even had to go out to bus stops, find answers there, get bus ticket, went to a lamppost near Tan Tock Seng hospital to get answers to our clue. It was very fun-filled activities, running around Novena to get solve our clues, hahaha.... Of course, there are yields ala Amazing Race to help us delay other teams, envelopes containing our next clue, puzzles, etc. Kudos to the organizing team for these brilliant ideas.

In the end, my team managed to came in first, yay !!!! but unfortunately was delayed by yields from other teams, and in the end, another team won it but never mind, it's the fun that counts, right? We had light dinner after that.

After the event, I rushed to Choa Chu Kang for a reunion of NTU-ISCF (Indonesian Students Christian Fellowship of NTU), taking the red-line of MRT all the way to Choa Chu Kang. I initially SMS-ed Vero that I'll be late due to the two events I had immediately before that, but in the end, I managed to arrive in CCK just about right. I had a little bit more dinner there before the event started. It was really a memorable night, to remember all the fellowship we had together few years back, all the fun times, the fellowship, the camp, the outing, the cell groups, the annual general meeting (AGM), etc. There were lots of photos to help us recall our past, games to help us savour the moment we had last time, kudos to the organizing committee and the MC whom I thought was wonderful in bringing people into the moment of reunion so well. I was one of the several people who were asked to share how my days in ISCF was. Well, in short, if I looked back, it has been full of blessings and thanksgiving.

There was this poem from Mamat to summarize our days in ISCF, and we closed the event in prayer of those who are in the current NTU-ISCF, lighted up candles in "ISCF" shape, and sang a song to close our event in thanksgiving. Thank You Lord for this fellowship

Photos upcoming

"You look very tired today. Go back home lah, it's okay one"
"What are you doing here? You should be going home already"
"Today, you looked very all-by-yourself. Something wrong?"
"Usually you are more chatty than me, how come today I am more chatty than you?"
"Feeling blue?"
"You looked rather sick, are you okay?"

Well, those are just some of the comments I had over the past few days from my friends, colleagues, boss, etc. In normal days, people can't really tell when I am having problems as I am quite good in not showing my troubles inside. I always try not to look gloomy even there are storms inside, for a simple reason. I don't want others to be affected by me, as I know, negative energy are contagious, so I don't want others to be affected. Is it mental tiredness? Is it physical tiredness? Or is it both?

However, judging from the comments I had these past few days, I guess, the storms inside me, the burdens that are on me, the things I have been thinking and struggling with, have gone beyond my limit of concealing. I have tried my best not to look sad, but I guess, there are only so much I can hide. Some of them, in one way or another, will find a way out, and people who saw me will be able to tell that I am not alright. Thanks for all those who have noticed, comforted me, joked with me, encouraged me, or simply just be around me, and I'm sorry if I have transferred a little bit of my negative energy to you as a result. Anyway, I am now in my journey back to the Hendrik that everyone knew, the eternal optimist-positive-happy-go-lucky guy, of course still with detour back down at one time or another, but I'm sure I'm heading to the right direction for recovery. How fast it'll be? I don't know. I'll just follow in God's perfect plan. As I talked to a friend this morning, she said she'll probably need at least a month to recover if the same thing happened to her, hopefully mine will be faster, hehehe... Don't worry for me though, I don't feel that bad now, I am already much much better thanks to many reasons, especially to two very important persons in my life. These are just what people said about me last week, for record purposes.

Ok, listen up all you ice cream and gelato fans, here is something not to be missed! Ben and Jerry’s is giving away free cones this Tuesday (tomorrow!!!!) Thanks INK for the lobang. Now, who wants to go tomorrow???!!!

Today, I went with my colleagues for lunch at Suntec City, with the plan of queuing for free Ben and Jerry's ice cream afterwards. After our lunch, we headed to Ben and Jerry. To our surprise, the queue was, you know, very very snaky long. A bit dissapointed that the queue was very long, we went into Carrefour to shop for snacks and friends, with the hope that the queue will get shorter when we finish our shopping. Well, we should have known better. After that, the queue was well, shorter, by 10 people out of hundreds, so in the end we went back office with no free lip-smacking Ben and Jerry's ice cream .... hixxx...

Most of us have experienced the 8 Phases of Procrastination:

Phase 1: "I'll start early this time"  (hopeful)
Phase 2: "I've got to start soon"  (a little tension)
Phase 3: "I should have started sooner"  (creeping guilt)
Phase 4: "There is still time to do it"  (false reassurance)
Phase 5: "What's wrong with me?"  (getting desperate)
Phase 6: "I can't wait any longer!"  (intense pain)
Phase 7: "Just get it done!”  (get it over with!)
Phase 8: "Next time, I'll start earlier."  (the cycle repeats)

Procrastination does tremendous damage to ourselves and others at work.  It causes unnecessary pressure and problems... and it wastes opportunities, time and money.

The problem is:  procrastination is addictive!  The more you succumb to it, the harder it is to change.  It becomes a way of life, causing you a lot of misery.

The Bible says, "IF YOU WAIT FOR PERFECT CONDITIONS, YOU WILL NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE."  Ecclesiastes 11:4 (LB) or "Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap." (NIV)

so.................

- Stop making excuses!
- Realize perfectionism paralyzes performance!
- Face your fears!
- Focus on the gain, not the pain!
- DO IT NOW!

What have you been putting off that you know you need to do?... something at work... at home... at church … with your wife… with your children.  DO IT NOW!

A PRAYER:  "God, help me to DO what I already know I need to do.  Help me to do it NOW!"

"Never boast about tomorrow.  You don't know what will happen between now and then." (Proverbs 27:1)

Which File Extension are You?

I was planning to go back home today after a tiring day, but Bear invited me for dinner, and so I went. We met in Fish and Co at Borders with Jejep, Ai, Eko, and Dapit for dinner, followed by a dinner-digesting-walk to HMV, hehe... After that, we went to Cineleisure for desert, some big eight-scopes of ice creams in a big big bowl. And finally, another long walk from Cineleisure back to carpark behind Borders to go back home. More story to tell tomorrow morning. It's kinda time to sleep now

There are a lot to be liked from the latest Windows Vista, build 5365. I installed it few days back and only today I had the chance to play with it. I haven't tried much, only played with IE and the Sidebar. There are more animations and the touch-up are pretty neat. I'll focus more on the UI side as I'm sure those are what you all will notice the first time you use Windows Vista. Here are few screenshots on how Windows Vista 5365 looks like on my machine


with Sidebar turned on, Windows DVD maker and Solitaire. Note that the Sidebar contains all the useful things, like clock, currency converter with live rates, stocks monitor, and weather. There are many many more provided with this Windows Vista and I'm sure the final release will include many more.

Now, let me show you what happen when you minimize a window now. The effect is cool

This is normal IE window, when minimized, you'll see a very nice minimizing animation.
 
Well, you get the idea what's happening I hope Click for the larger image if you can't see it clearly.

Another cool thing when you do Alt+Tab or Win+Tab. You'll get very nice thumbnail of your windows, LIVE !!! Meaning that, for example, in the image below, the windows is playing the movie as you go through Alt+Tab or Win+Tab. You must see it live in order to appreciate how cool this is

All windows is live, be it Media Player, IE, everything. Not sure about games like Warcraft though hehehe...

Of course, to get all these, your PC must be quite a high-end machine, else you'll get standard Windows-XP-like interface, and all these cool stuffs will not be available to you. Stay tuned for Windows Vista Beta 2, that should be available to public come end of May 2006. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.

Now, what I don't like from Windows Vista? This build 5365 is much more UNreliable compared to the previous build 5308. Granted, it is much faster, but it locks up easily and frequently too. Out of the blue, it will just hang and lock up my PC that it requires me to hit the Reset button on my PC. It can happen anytime and anywhere. I can just happily browsing the net and it'll just lockup suddenly. I can open Control panel, and it'll just stop there. It's very random, so I don't know what or why these happen, although I'm sure all these would have been solved when the final build is released sometime in early 2007.

This year's Big Walk registration has been opened again. Who's on for this year's 10km walk from National Stadium Kallang to Fullerton, Raffles Place and back, Sunday morning, 21st May?  It'll take about two hours if you keep walking, three hours if we stop to take photos and drinks.

More info here: http://tnpbigwalk.asia1.com.sg/
My blog post on last year's Big Walk 2005: http://www.hendrikch.com/863208.html

If you use Microsoft Outlook for your daily schedule, you would probably be interested in this free Internet Calendar that will add the schedules from all matches of 2006 World Cup in Germany into your Microsoft Outlook calendar. The Calendar contains the schedule of all the matches of the championship.

Get the calendar here: http://www.mapilab.com/about/news/worldcup2006.html [120KB]